The physical reality of living with an abusive partner is one of extreme risk, compounded by the undeniable physiological differences in strength and build. On average, biological males possess significantly greater upper-body strength, bone density, and muscle mass than females, which creates a dangerous power imbalance during a physical confrontation. Because of this asymmetry, attempting to fight back physically often escalates the violence rather than stopping it. In many cases, an abuser may use a woman’s attempt at self-defense as a justification to “retaliate” with even more lethal force, turning a frightening situation into a life-threatening one.
In Aotearoa New Zealand, the statistics reflect the severity of this danger. New Zealand has some of the highest rates of family violence in the OECD; Police investigate over 100,000 family violence incidents every year, which is approximately one every five minutes. Statistics show that 1 in 3 women in New Zealand will experience physical or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime. Even more sobering is the fact that nearly half of all homicides and reported violent crimes in this country are related to family violence, with women making up the vast majority of those killed by an intimate partner.
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Living in such an environment keeps the body in a state of constant “survival mode,” which causes long-term physical harm even when a blow isn’t being struck. The chronic stress of monitoring an abuser’s moods leads to exhaustion, heart issues, and a weakened immune system. Because the physical risk is so lopsided, safety experts emphasize that “resistance” is often best practiced through strategic de-escalation, mental shielding, and careful exit planning rather than physical combat. Recognizing that you cannot “win” a physical fight against someone built with a natural strength advantage is not a sign of weakness; it is a vital, life-saving calculation for your survival.
Staying Safe and Sane 