Vulnerabilities

Vulnerabilities are not cracks in your character; they are simply the places where the walls around you have been thinned by the storm. When an abuser targets these areas, they are trying to dim your light, but identifying these spots is the first step in reinforcing them. By understanding where the “heaviness” gets in, you can begin to build a stronger, safer perimeter around your life.

Understanding the Thin Places
The Trap of Isolation (Disconnection): The abuser’s main goal is to cut the threads between you and the outside world. They know that Connection is a Shield. Every time you reach out to a friend, a helpline, or a support group, you are weaving those threads back together and making your shield stronger.

The Fog of Gaslighting (Doubt): Emotional abuse is a direct attack on your intuition. If they can make you doubt your own reality, they can control your mind. Remind yourself that your intuition is a perfect compass—if a situation feels wrong, it is wrong. You are not “unstable”; you are reacting to an unstable environment.
The Weight of Dependence (Economic Abuse): When an abuser controls the money, they are “salting the earth” to make you feel like you can’t grow anywhere else. This is not your fault—it is Economic Abuse. Start secretly identifying “Seed Funds” or services that provide a financial bridge, such as safe housing and advocacy.
The Sacred Bond (Children): An abuser often uses your love for your children as a weapon, claiming that leaving will hurt them. But remember: no one can thrive in toxic soil. True protection for your children often begins with your own independence and the creation of a peaceful environment.
The Transparent House (Digital Safety): In a digital world, tracking and shared accounts can make your walls feel transparent. Reclaim your Digital Autonomy by using secret devices, private windows, or public computers to research your path forward.
The Burden of Exhaustion (The Time Thief): An abuser may deliberately disrupt your sleep or overload you with tasks so that you are too tired to think clearly. This is a tactic to wear down your resistance. Protecting your Natural Rhythm isn’t just about health; it’s about keeping your mind sharp enough to see the exits.
The Weapon of Shame (Social Vulnerability): Abusers often use the fear of “what people will think” to keep you quiet. They want you to feel that the violence is a secret you must carry. By choosing to speak your truth to even one Safe Person, you break the power of shame and move it back onto the person responsible for the behavior.
Cultural or Spiritual Isolation: If you are far from your home country or if an abuser uses religious texts to justify their control, your spirit can feel trapped. Reconnecting with your Lineage/Whakapapa or a spiritual leader who values safety can remind you that no true faith or heritage demands your suffering.
The Legal Maze (Systemic Vulnerability): The fear of police, immigration status, or “the system” can feel like an invisible cage. Abusers often lie about what the law can do to you. Gathering accurate information from an Advocate or a Navigator turns this frightening maze into a map you can follow to safety.

A Note to Remember: Vulnerabilities are not weaknesses. They are simply the areas where you are learning to grow new layers of protection.