First Steps
This “First Steps” guide is designed to be the very first thing you see, offering a gentle path forward when you might feel overwhelmed or unsure of what to do next. It focuses on low-pressure, immediate actions that prioritize your physical safety while helping you find a small pocket of calm for your mind. By starting with these simple moves, you can begin to move from a place of survival toward a place of clarity and control.
Safety Planning
Safety planning is a proactive strategy that combines physical security, such as changing locks and notifying schools, with digital protections like securing GPS settings and shared accounts. By identifying high-risk scenarios and establishing a “ready-to-go” exit plan, you create a structured path to safety that reduces panic and increases your control during a crisis.
Boundaries
Boundaries act as a vital safety framework that clearly defines what behaviors you will no longer tolerate and establishes the physical and digital distance required for your protection. By consistently enforcing these limits through legal orders and personal “no-contact” rules, you shift from a position of constant defense to one of regained autonomy and peace.
Red Flags
Knowing red flags helps you see that the behavior is part of a predictable pattern and, most importantly, that it is not your fault. Understanding these risks gives you the clarity to sense when a situation might escalate, helping you take steps to stay safe and protect your children. Having this information empowers you to trust your gut, reach out for the right support, and make the best decisions for your future.
Extreme Danger
The significant biological disparity in upper-body strength and muscle mass, makes attempting to physically resist an abusive partner often escalates a dangerous situation into a life-threatening one. In an environment of extreme risk, “fighting back” is frequently used by an abuser as a pretext for even more lethal retaliation, making strategic de-escalation and a planned exit the most effective tools for survival.
The “Go Bag”
A “Go-Bag” is a pre-staged collection of essential identification, medication, and untraceable cash hidden in a neutral location to facilitate an immediate escape. It serves as a vital physical lifeline, ensuring you can exit a dangerous situation instantly without the need to pack or return for necessities.
Strategic Exit
Strategic exit planning involves the careful preparation of a safe destination and a “false” digital trail to ensure your departure remains undetected and untraceable. By prioritizing discretion and pre-arranging secure communication, you create a window of opportunity to leave permanently before an abuser can intervene or track your location.
111 – Silent Call
The “Silent 55” service is a vital emergency tool that allows you to alert the Police when it is too dangerous to speak after dialing 111. By pressing 55 when prompted, you confirm a genuine emergency, enabling the operator to track your location and dispatch help while listening to the background for your safety.
Making a Statement
Making a formal statement transforms your experience into a sworn legal record, providing the essential documentation needed for the Police to issue Safety Orders or for the Court to grant a Protection Order. This process effectively shifts the burden of your safety from your own shoulders to the N.Z legal framework, ensuring the abuse is no longer a hidden secret but a recognized reality in the eyes of the law.
Preparing a Statement
Organizing your thoughts into a structured outline before speaking to the Police ensures that critical details, dates, and patterns of control are not forgotten during a high-stress interview. This preparation creates a clear, chronological narrative that strengthens your case and provides the authorities with the precise evidence needed to take immediate legal action.
Protection Orders
A Protection Order is a legally binding directive from the Family Court that establishes strict boundaries and “no-contact” rules to protect you and your children from all forms of violence. It empowers the Police to make immediate arrests if the abuser breaches these conditions, effectively criminalizing their behavior.
Parenting Orders
A Parenting Order is a legally binding court directive that prioritizes the safety and well-being of children by clearly defining who provides their day-to-day care and how contact occurs. In cases of family violence, these orders can mandate supervised contact or neutral changeover locations, ensuring that your children’s safety is protected by the law even when you are no longer with the other parent.
Protection & Parenting Orders
In New Zealand, a Protection Order acts as a primary safety shield that automatically overrides standard parenting arrangements to ensure children are protected from violence and intimidation. When these orders work together, the court can mandate supervised contact or neutral changeovers, ensuring that parental involvement never compromises the safety of the protected parent or the children.
Breaching Orders
Breaching a Protection or Parenting Order is a serious criminal offense in New Zealand that empowers the Police to take immediate enforcement action, including the arrest and prosecution of the offender. Documenting every violation in your Safety Log ensures that these “micro-breaches” are recognized by the Court as a persistent pattern of behavior, which can lead to stricter sentencing or a permanent loss of contact.
Getting Arrested
In New Zealand, the Police operate under a “pro-arrest” policy where they can detain an offender and issue immediate Safety Orders regardless of whether the victim wishes to press charges. Once an arrest is made, the court prioritizes victim safety through strict bail conditions, often mandating that the offender leave the home and attend non-violence programmes.
Bail Hearings
In New Zealand, a Bail Hearing allows you to exercise your legal right to provide a “Victim View” through the Police or a Court Victim Advisor to influence the safety conditions of the defendant’s release. By explicitly detailing your fears and proposing strict non-contact boundaries, you provide the Judge with the necessary evidence to prioritize your protection and restrict the defendant’s movements.
Non-contact Conditions
Providing a specific list of non-contact and exclusion conditions to the Police creates a clear legal blueprint for the Judge to enforce your safety. By documenting these requirements in writing, you ensure that any attempt at direct or indirect contact becomes a clear criminal breach that warrants an immediate arrest.
Safety Alert
A Statement of Privacy formally notifies your employer or children’s school of existing legal orders, transforming these institutions into active partners in your security. By providing clear instructions and a photo for identification, you ensure that any unauthorized appearance is met with an immediate 111 call rather than confusion or hesitation.
Staying Safe and Sane 